Dating app developers promised a revolution. They claimed that technology would make finding a partner quick and easy. They made bold statements such as, “Absolutely everyone will find their soul mate!” And users really believed that all they had to do was install the app, and then technology would do everything for them.
At first, dating apps were hugely popular. After all, people had never had access to so many potential partners before. But over time, it became clear that things weren’t working as promised. Modern users spend hours swiping through profiles, but they’re less and less likely to feel real interest, let alone sympathy or an emotional connection. More and more people are complaining about burnout and swipe fatigue. Maybe the problem is that we’re not the ones choosing, but algorithms? Let’s figure it out together.
Digital matchmakers — what’s wrong with them
Developers position apps as a neutral tool for finding love. But in fact, they have long been active participants in the process. Even more than that — it is the apps that determine who we decide to write to. At first glance, it seems that we have a huge number of profiles at our disposal. In reality, we only see a small percentage.
Algorithms work on the principle of recommendations. But no one explains the criteria on which they are based. Most often, the app collects information about your actions: for example, which profiles you swiped most often. It also analyzes data about you: your age, how often and at what time you visit the app, where you are, etc. Then it selects options that it considers suitable. But in essence, the algorithm adapts not to what you like, but to how you behave within the app. And even if you accidentally swiped right, the algorithm may interpret this as a signal that you like these types of people. Although in reality, this may not be the case at all. As a result, instead of a “sea of possibilities”, you get a small artificial pond created especially for you by the app.
In addition, algorithms create the illusion of choice. We think we are choosing who to meet, but in reality, we are choosing from what we are offered. After analyzing our preferences, the algorithm starts showing us similar profiles. Gradually, we get used to this type of person and start believing that these are the people we like. At the same time, we may miss the opportunity to meet people who are really right for us, simply because they do not fit the “characteristics” set by the algorithm.
Another problem with dating apps is the so-called “Netflix effect”. Too many options give us a false sense of confidence that we will easily find the perfect candidate. But in practice, a large selection is paralyzing. When a person is faced with hundreds or even thousands of profiles, they are afraid of choosing the wrong one. They think that the best option may be waiting for them further down the line, and they are afraid of missing out on it and wasting their time on the wrong person. Constant thoughts that a more suitable partner can be found force them to keep swiping and prevent them from building a relationship. As a result, the search turns into an endless race for an elusive ideal.
At the same time, most users develop a habit of evaluating people superficially. After all, the brain is simply not capable of processing such a large number of profiles. And the very principle of how the apps work has taught us to make quick decisions: swipe left or right. This also has its consequences — we stop seeing the person behind the profile. The culture of quick swipes turns people into a set of data: gender, age, interests, preferences. Sense of humor, charisma, personal qualities — all of this remains “behind the scenes”.
And most importantly, it is not profitable for app developers for you to quickly find your soul mate. After all, then you will cease to be an active user. Dating services don’t make money from people finding love, but from them continuing to search for it. That’s why the app works in such a way that you constantly feel like “you’re about to meet the one”. This is how swipe addiction is formed. Incidentally, the same mechanism is used by gambling developers: “one more try, and you’re sure to win”.
How to regain control over your preferences
Here are some simple tips to help you stop being dependent on algorithms:
- Don’t get hung up on apps. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of using an app as the only place to look for new acquaintances. And, as we’ve already said, algorithms narrow down the pool of potential partners. Therefore, we advise you to go beyond your comfort zone and start meeting people on social networks, thematic forums, interest groups, etc.
- Give a chance to those you usually swipe left on. If you keep coming across the wrong people, sometimes it’s enough to simply rethink your “type”. Perhaps you haven’t paid attention to people who could be interesting conversation partners simply because they don’t fit into your preconceived notions.
- Move on to real interaction. It’s very easy to get stuck in endless correspondence. But the longer you correspond without seeing each other, the more illusions you build. So if you feel that you have a mutual interest in each other, don’t put off meeting in person.
Another way to gain more control over your preferences is to communicate in random video chats. Recently, chat roulette has become very popular again, and this is not surprising. After all, they bring back the human warmth to online communication that classic dating apps so sorely lack.
There’s no need to create a profile or swipe. The system automatically selects a conversation partner for you, and you can never predict who will be on the other side of the screen in the next second. But if you want, you can choose a platform with more personalized search settings.
Another important advantage of random chats is that you start communicating right away. You don’t have to wait long for a reply to your message, because communication takes place in real time. And you can see and hear your conversation partner as if you weren’t separated by screens. At the same time, most services are completely anonymous, so you can talk about any topic. For example, Xmegle is a videochat for adults where there are no taboos. According to the rules of the web chat, screen recording, storage, and distribution of materials are prohibited. Any violation of this rule will be blocked by the platform administration. Therefore, you can be yourself here and not be afraid that someone will judge you. Another great alternative to Xmegle is CooMeet.chat, where men only chat with women and vice versa. And thanks to verification, you can always be sure that your conversation partner is a real person, not a fake or a bot.
So if you’ve been disappointed by dating apps, it might be worth giving other platforms a chance, such as videochat roulettes. Try changing your approach: fewer swipes, more awareness, and more live contact. You can find love on your own if you learn to see the people behind the profiles and trust your heart rather than algorithms.
